Of all the fears that eat away at our confidence, the fear of failure is the most discouraging. It leads us to avoid challenges, to steer clear of anything that might involve risk, or to give up at the first sign of difficulty. At its most extreme it paralyses us. We wait until we can be assured of success before we are prepared to make a move. Such certainty is never forthcoming, and as a consequence we venture nothing, achieve nothing, feel bad about ourselves and spend our lives bemoaning what might have been. Now I’m sure this extreme description does not fit you, but there is a little of it in most of us. So let’s take a few minutes to consider the fear of failure and how we can work to overcome it.

Failure carries a very personal label. Our fear is that if we try something and fail, we will be in some way less worthy as human beings. We see ourselves not as people who have experienced failure, but as failures! It’s easy to see why. The pass/fail judgement has been dangling over our lives since early childhood. Passing the test offers a gateway to whatever we have set out to do while failure leaves us out in the cold. The truth is that people consistently labelled ‘successes’ or ‘failures’. But isn’t it ironic that in an effort to avoid the failure label we shrink from the very challenges that could lead to success? All the time that we sit in our comfort zones and dream, we can convince ourselves that we have the potential to succeed. Our fear is that, as soon as we set foot outside and put ourselves to the test, we will be found wanting.

The truth is that everyone experiences failure at some time and that it is those who do not fear it who are able to learn from it and move on. One of the most important lessons about confidence is that in order to win, you must dare to lose, and that means having the courage to step outside the comfort zone.

As far as trust for me goes, A few years back, I was betrayed beyond my wildest imagination and I literally let this betrayal consume me to the point where it affected every aspect of my life including my health. Recently over the last three years, I have come to the realization that trusting others really is in my control. NO one can hurt me if I don’t let them. I can‘t control the actions of others, but I can choose to control how I react to them and how far I allow them to affect me. I no longer have the idealistic view of life that I had prior to being devastated, which for me was the majority of the problem. It really doesn’t matter if I trust them or not. What matters is, seeing things at face value, seeing things realistically, and seeing people for what they are, just people and not little gods and goddesses or without faults. This point of view has helped me tremendously in realizing that if people try to hurt me, that is their problem, if I choose to let them, that is mine.

You are the only one who has the exceptional opportunity to truly know you and to discover your single beautiful path in life. Others can hold a mirror for you and show you parts of yourself. But, they can never give you the whole of yourself. The whole that is yours to possess, to expand and to express. You are all gifted with virtually unlimited potential for learning and creativity.

Just think about this for a minute. 95% of what we know about the human brain has been learnt in the last 25 years. Our schools, universities and companies are only just beginning to apply this emerging understanding of human potential.

As our knowledge and intelligence increases, unfortunately so does the noise and clutter within our brains. In today’s world, it is estimated that 80% to 90% of most people’s thinking is not only repetitive and useless but it also dysfunctional and often negative in nature. Most of it is harmful to yourself first and secondly to everyone who interacts with you.  Simply begin to observe your mind and you will find this to be true.

Your mind is an instrument, a tool, an incredible one too. We have hardly touched the surface of its capabilities. It is there to be used for a specific task, and when the task is complete, you switch it off.

While everyone wants to be happy one way or another, there’s a difference between aspiration and achievement. That is the tragedy of human beings. We fear misery but run to it. We want happiness but turn away from it. The very things we do to ease suffering often fuel it. How could such a misjudgment occur? Simple, we are confused about how to go about it. We look for happiness outside ourselves when it is basically an inner state-of-being. If it was an exterior condition it will be forever beyond our reach because our desires are boundless and our control over the world limited, temporary and more often than not a complete illusion and lie.

Everyone is doing their very best to make sense of and deal with the challenges of being a human being. Let all face it, its hard being here. Some people think it’s only hard for them and that for others it’s easy. Others think it’s only hard because they’re doing something wrong, or that there’s some secret they have yet to discover, or because they are broken in some way.

Take it from me; the truth is its hard being here for everyone. Whether you’re rich, poor, adored or unloved, enlightened or completely oblivious, famous or obscure, in many forms life is hard for every human being.

However, no matter how bleak, desperate or unbearable life is never and I mean never lose hope because at the heart of life is a creative energy that flows through each and every one of us.

Every person, by nature, wants to become all that they are capable of becoming, this desire to release countless possibilities is inherent in human nature, we cannot help wanting to be all that we can be. True success in life is becoming what you want to be, and, it is never too early or too late to begin to do so. In fact, every living thing in ALL of nature must continually seek for enlargement of its life, because life, in the act of living, must grow and increase itself.

Your intelligence is under the same necessity for continuous growth. Every thought you think makes it necessary for you to think another thought, your consciousness is continually expanding. Every fact you learn leads you to learn another fact, your knowledge is continually increasing. Every talent you cultivate brings to the mind the desire to cultivate another talent. Therefore, every living thing, including yourself, are subject to the urge of life, always seeking expression, which always drives us to know more, to do more, and more importantly to BE more.

What’s the difference between winning and losing? The top athletes in every field benefit from state-of-the-art training facilities, an army of coaches and the latest technology to analyse their physiology, diet and technique. Sportsmen such as footballers, rugby players and golfers are, fitter, stronger and technically better than ever. So, what separates a Woods or a Ronaldo from the rest of the pack? What differentiates the superhuman from the merely excellent athlete?

Simple it’s all in the mind. Sports psychology is the new religion for athletes, and it’s what gives the most successful stars a crucial edge over their rivals. The pros use a variety of cutting-edge mental conditioning techniques, from visualization and mental keys to deep breathing and being in the ‘zone’. If that all sounds confusion, never fear. The fact is you can own the self-belief that drives on the top sports performers. Whether you’re a business man, student, parent, or self-development devotee, these mental-conditioning techniques are guaranteed to improve your self-belief and performance no matter who you are.

An American survey has found that the oldest people amongst us are the happiest and are more socially active than younger people. A sociologist from the University of Chicago who conducted the study says: “The good news is that with age comes happiness.”

Of course, a certain amount of distress in old age is inevitable, including aches, pains and deaths of loved ones and friends. But older people have learned to be more content with what they have than younger adults. This is because older people have learnt to lower their expectations and accept their achievements. Over 28,000 people between the ages of 18 and 88 took part in the survey. In general, the odds of being happy increased 5 percent with every 10 years of age.

The research also confirmed the belief that all unhappiness is caused by denial of the present. We think problems are caused by our situations in life, but attachment to the past and the future is the real problem. You cannot be unhappy and be fully grateful of your present situation. It is impossible to have a problem when your attention is in the now. When you keep your attention in the present moment, a situation is either dealt with or accepted. A problem means you are dwelling on a situation mentally without having any true intention or possibility of taking ACTION now.

Older people eventually learn to live in the now and accept what is. You get to a point in life where you finally learn to accept things as they really are. You finally realise that nothing is perfect.

The good news is that you have the power to learn to change your limiting beliefs and perspectives at any age; you do not have to wait until you are much older. The key is in studying the wisdom of the older ones and applying it while you’re still young.

There is one basic key to genuine self-confidence: its knowing that whatever happens to you, you can handle it with relative ease.

Try to imagine the freedom and assurance you’ll feel if you met every moment in your life with that kind of inner confidence.

Think how alive you would feel and the many things you will be able to accomplish if you were able to enter each day knowing that no matter who you met, or what happened to you, you would always have the inner strength and wisdom to handle it perfectly.

Luck is funny. Some people tell you, “If only some luck came my way.” Others say, “I don’t really believe in luck.” I come from the second perspective. I really don’t believe in luck. I do however believe that you can make your own luck through hard work – and by working with heart. Whenever an opportunity arises where you can make a great advancement in your life, that isn’t luck, it is you, being fully prepared from all that hard work that you’ve put in, it you through giving your all purposefully and responsibly.

If you aren’t prepared then you won’t be able to take advantage of the situation, which means it always depends on you and what you put into it, not the situation or luck. You are the one that steps through the door through your actions, luck never carries you anywhere. Is there an area in your life where you are hoping or waiting for a little luck to come your way? Don’t! Simply take a tangible step forward now to improve your life in that specific area and you will see far greater strides in a short time than you ever would waiting for luck to work its “magic.” Dr. Armand Hammer agrees with me when he was quoted saying: “When I work fourteen hours a day, seven days a week, I get lucky.”

Be Careful What You Believe.

Whenever you have a strong core belief, the brain will go to incredible lengths to make sure that you’re right about it. It really does not matter whether it has to do with relationships, or whether you are always in debt or that people don’t respect you. Whatever you have a strong belief about you will create it in your life, no matter what you do in life you will only be attracted to what you believe.

If you believe you can’t have a good relationship, the only people you will find attractive are those who will make your belief true. You will also be extremely sensitive to any signs or distractions from your partner that they are betraying you in some way. You will basically see what you’re looking for whether it’s really there or not. Your brain will see signs because that is exactly what your mind is focusing on and looking in order for your core beliefs to be validated and reinforced once more.

You will also consciously sabotage yourself. Your brain desperately wants to say, “You see, I’m right. I can’t have a good relationship because my partner always cheats on me.” And unfortunately you will do whatever it takes to prove yourself right. So, you will end up taking actions, whether you’re consciously aware of it or not, that will eventually push the other person away just so that your core belief always remains true.

You will repeatedly remain in this destructive loop because it is safe and secure; it protects you from being hurt. As long as you hold on to your belief, you’re going to experience the same situation over and over again.

The comforting news is, you’re not alone, every human being that walks on the surface of this earth have limiting as well as empowering beliefs about themselves, the world they live in and others. These beliefs have also been created, shaped and reinforced since birth, especially during the first seven years of life.

The great news is that the destructive and limiting beliefs that keep you blocked and stuck in an endless cycle of pain and distress are changeable. You can be encouraged to know that if you take the right approach you can begin to change and replace these core beliefs with empowering ones. First, you have to believe that you always have a choice about what you choose to believe in, secondly with the right knowledge and support you will be able to take back control over your life and create a new reality for yourself.

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